When you think of breast cancer, the first thing that comes to mind shouldn’t just be the hospital visits, the scans, or the medications; it’s the emotional storm that comes with it. Whether you’re going through treatment right now or you’ve walked that road as a survivor, you know that breast cancer changes more than just your body. It touches your mind, relationships, and even how people speak to you.
One thing that is common among Nigerian women friends, relatives, and women in the religious sects is how quickly life becomes an open book after a diagnosis. People you haven’t spoken to in years suddenly want details: “What stage is it?” “Are you doing surgery or chemo?” “How’s your mental state?” And sometimes, it’s not just curiosity; it’s pressure to make choices the way they think you should.
For these reasons, boundaries and mental health with peace of mind are just as important as physical healing.
Why Boundaries Matter During Breast Cancer
When you’re facing something as life-changing as breast cancer, your time and energy become precious. You can’t give them out carelessly. Boundaries are like a fence around your mental space; they protect you from exhaustion, unnecessary stress, and emotional weight that isn’t yours to carry. Women in Nigeria struggle because they feel guilty for saying no. But you don’t owe everyone an explanation. Deciding what to share about your diagnosis, your treatment, or your feelings is your right. You are the one in control, not the crowd.
Understanding the “Circle of Control”
There are things you can control: thoughts, feelings, and treatment decisions. And then there are things you can’t control, other people’s opinions, reactions, or the gossip that might fly around. Focus on the inside of your circle. That’s where your power lies. If you’re not comfortable telling someone every detail, don’t. You can say, “I’m focusing on my treatment right now, and I’m not sharing those details.” Remember, you can choose who to let into your circle. Sometimes, fewer voices mean more peace.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t about being rude; it’s about self-respect. Here’s how you can start:
- Know your limits. Ask yourself, what am I okay with sharing? What drains me?
- Speak up. Be clear about what you can and can’t do right now.
- Plan your responses. If someone crosses a line, try saying:
- “I appreciate your concern, but I’m following my doctor’s advice and am at peace with it.”
- “I’m not discussing my diagnosis right now, but thank you for understanding.”
- Find your support system. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member, or a support group, have people you can lean on, those who respect your boundaries and uplift you.
Protecting Your Mental Health
Breast cancer can be mentally exhausting. There will be days when you feel strong, and days when you feel like hiding under the covers. That’s okay. Protecting your mental health means permitting yourself to rest without guilt. It might mean avoiding conversations that trigger fear. It might mean refusing to listen to sad stories about someone else who didn’t make it. It might mean choosing joy, watching Nollywood comedies, reading devotionals, or spending time with people who make you laugh.
Your healing journey is personal. Don’t let anyone rush it or control it.
When Boundaries Are Crossed
Let’s be honest, sometimes, even when you’ve made your boundaries clear, people will ignore them. When that happens, remember: you can walk away from a conversation, change the subject, or not pick up the phone. This isn’t about disrespect; it’s about protecting your energy. You can’t pour into others if your own cup is empty.
To every Nigerian woman reading this, whether you’re a patient or a survivor, you have the right to protect your mental space. You are not being selfish; you are being wise. Boundaries aren’t walls to shut people out; they are doors you choose when to open and close. Your journey is yours alone. If you’re unsure how to set boundaries or feel overwhelmed, please seek professional counseling or medical advice. Let your decisions be guided by both care and knowledge.
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