Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Everywhere you turn, it’s heart-shaped chocolates, matching red outfits, and cute couples staring into each other’s eyes like they’re in a Nollywood rom-com. But for some people, love right now looks a little different—it’s whispered encouragement before another chemo session, forehead kisses after a long night of nausea, and holding hands through hospital corridors.
Breast cancer has the power to completely upend lives, and for many, it also changes the definition of love. Breast cancer presents a unique set of difficulties, regardless of whether you’re married, single, or in a new relationship. But it also reveals something magical: love’s ability to bend, stretch, and grow in the face of adversity.
Love in an Existing Relationship: The Test No One Prepared For
So, you’re in a relationship, happily minding your business, and then—boom! A diagnosis of breast cancer. Suddenly, doctor’s appointments take precedence over date nights, and “in sickness and in health” is more than just a romantic promise—it’s a reality.
This is where love is put to the test for a lot of couples. In spite of hair loss, weight changes, or surgical scars, some partners step up to the challenge by learning how to be the best caretaker, providing support, and figuring out how to make their partner feel beautiful. Unfortunately, relationships break down and others find it difficult to cope.
The good news is that couples can survive breast cancer together. Little gestures of kindness, patience, and open communication can make a big difference. Holding someone’s hand during their worst moments or assuring them that they are still the person you fell in love with, cancer or not, are sometimes more meaningful expressions of love than extravagant displays.
Emotional endurance is also necessary when caring for a spouse who has breast cancer. It involves realizing that your spouse might not always feel like themselves and that exhaustion, worry, and mood swings could occasionally take over. Knowing that your presence alone communicates volumes, it’s about turning up on the days when they lack the energy to speak. Being present, even when you don’t have the perfect words, is what love is all about, not making things right.
Dating with Breast Cancer: When Do You Drop the “Big C” Bomb?
If dating in Lagos (or anywhere, really) wasn’t already hard enough, try adding breast cancer to the mix. When do you tell a potential bae? First date? Before things get serious? After they’ve already caught feelings?
The truth is, there’s no rulebook. Some people choose to be upfront from the start, while others wait to see if the relationship has potential before sharing something so personal. Either way, the right person will understand that breast cancer is part of your journey, not your whole identity. And if they run? Good riddance. Love that is worth having will not be scared away by something as real as life’s challenges.
It can be challenging to navigate intimacy when dating if you have breast cancer. How can surgical scars be explained? What if the experience of physical intimacy is different? Though the perfect partner will see past the outward changes, these are legitimate worries. Trust, honesty, and shared experiences—rather than merely physical perfection—are the foundations of a true connection.
Self-Love: The Romance You Deserve
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, one thing is clear—breast cancer or not, self-love is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Cancer changes your body, your emotions, and sometimes, your sense of identity. But it doesn’t change your worth.
Self-love might look like standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself, “I am beautiful,” even when you don’t feel it. It might be allowing yourself to rest when you’re tired or finding joy in small things, like your favorite meal or a long phone call with a friend. It’s about acknowledging that healing—physical and emotional—is a journey, and giving yourself the grace to move at your own pace.
Pampering yourself isn’t selfish. Go on solo dates, buy yourself flowers, take yourself on that getaway you’ve always wanted. Love isn’t always about romance with another person—it’s about prioritizing your own happiness and well-being.
Love and Support: The Power of a Strong Network
Breast cancer can feel isolating, but love isn’t just romantic—it comes from friends, family, and even the wider community. The people who check in on you, accompany you to treatments, send encouraging messages, or simply sit with you in silence—these are the unsung heroes of your journey.
Having a strong support system can make a world of difference. If you know someone going through breast cancer, don’t underestimate the power of a simple text message saying, “I’m thinking of you.” Small gestures can lift spirits in ways you may never fully understand.
On the flip side, if you’re the one battling breast cancer, don’t be afraid to lean on your loved ones. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s strength. Allowing others to show up for you is a form of love, too.
Love Wins—Always
Breast cancer is many things—scary, exhausting, unpredictable. But it is not the end of love. If anything, it deepens love, revealing the kind of care and devotion that lasts beyond good times and into the moments that truly matter.
So, whether you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day with a partner who has been your rock, putting yourself out there to find love again, or simply loving yourself in the best way possible—remember, love is still yours to have. And no illness, no scar, no change in body or circumstance can take that away from you.
Love, in the time of breast cancer, is just as real, just as powerful, and just as beautiful. Maybe even more so.
Now, go ahead and eat that chocolate—whether it’s gifted or self-bought. You deserve it. 💖
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